Tension between Han and Leia

I was unfortunately subjected to the travesty that is the Last Jedi over the holidays and I thought back to the original trilogy. Were they really only made for kids? Is it my childhood nostalgia that colours my perception of them?

Of course not. Take this scene between Han and Leia for example. As a kid I had no idea what was going on. As an adult I understand it's all about tension.

I feel sorry for the young people who call this scene creepy because they've never experienced anything like this themselves.

It's not a battle it's a dance

I've recently been giving my opinion on a well known London based dating coach who has been accused of plagiarism. This has led people to speculate about his character.

Now this drama isn't really important but the reason I weighed in with my opinion is that I think new people should be aware of who they are learning from. The beliefs and frames of teachers have an effect on what and how you learn.

When it comes to improving your social life there's no need to call women bitches (outside of the bedroom), no need to think of yourself as seducing someone (you're not getting people to do things they don't want to do) and no need to see a congruence or authenticity test as a personal attack that you need to beat back.

You can choose language and behaviors that presuppose empowering, win-win frames and beliefs.

Some teachers presuppose a battle of the sexes, others a dance.

Be mindful of what kind of fans and beliefs you are fostering in yourself.

More than a numbers game

So I watched Todd's new video in which he says there's nothing wrong with keeping track of your statistics in order to make sure you're taking the right actions and improving over time.

This applies to every other area of life. Why not to specific parts of socialising? Well... most people would find that very strange. But I'm an INTJ and that's just how we roll.

However something that I've been trying to talk about for years but not many people seem interested in discussing is keeping track of the time and energy you put in to your social life and being aware of the results you're getting from that.

I'm not talking about spending the evening with some friends or family at a restaurant. You can't put a price on that.

I'm talking about whether spending hours and hours in pubs, bars and clubs or walking around shopping areas looking for women to approach is a worthwhile investment of your time?

If you're shy and inexperienced then it's defi…

My first contact close since I'm back in the game

I just got back from a night out watching some live music and I had my first contact close of this new era in my social life.

A very cute girl with long black hair. Now I'm really out of practice in terms of being consciously aware of what I'm doing but I have internalised a lot of behaviours over the years.

I wrote a detailed report for myself but I won't post that here. The main points of importance were:

I was sitting by the side of the bar when she came over next to me to pack her bag on a table. She was taking very long and my intuition started tingling that this was on purpose. I didn't open immediately but a moment later with a question that only required a yes or no answer.Later she was with friends and I caught her looking in my direction. It seemed to me that at least one of the guys liked her but that they weren't together.I moved places and she positions herself near me and I used the opportunity to speak to her again with situation comments, then introd…

I did my first non-approach yesterday

So it's only recently after some big life changes that I've felt like I can dedicate some time to actively working on my social life.

And yesterday was the first opportunity, which I didn't take. A nice girl with brown hair and a well put together outfit, standing on the tube platform. It wasn't anxiety as much as having no momentum.

It's been years since I've done a cold approach.

I'm not beating myself up about it too much. Although it only takes one moment like that to change your life.

I think it's because I hadn't really thought about how I want new people to fit into my life. Do I want short term flings or a real relationship?

Over the summer I hooked up with a couple of girls but it was through my social circle and the issue of whether it would develop into a relationship was out of my hands. My intent and focus was taken care of in a way.

Now I have to sort that out myself. Rather than overthink how and what every interaction could lead to I…

A bit more about where I'm at and where I want to go

Riv asked for a bit more background info on me so here's what I can tell you.

Age: Early 30s

Location: London

Occupation: Self-employed

Interests: Arts, music, history. I would say travel but I haven't done much recently since I'm focussing on projects that need me to be in one place.

Relationship status and history: Currently single. Discovered the world of dating advice very early on. Learned from multiple sources, watched the community and industry evolve over the years. Was in a relationship for a while, now getting back out there.

Current goals and challenges: I'm looking to meet women, possibly for a relationship with the right one. I think this will mostly be from interactions during the day time, less so from bars and clubs because those environments aren't much fun to me.

I'll also be growing my social circle and using social media more extensively.

When I started this blog I was still finishing some projects but now I'm back in a place where I'…

Jordan Peterson - Do You Want To Have A Life? Or Be Exceptional At One Thing?

In this video Jordan Petersen discusses the pros and cons of a more balanced life vs being very focussed in how you spend your time.

When I was younger I was encouraged to follow the balanced approach through schooling and socialisation. Being very focussed on a small number of topics gets you labelled a nerd or boring.

However living in that way made me unhappy and over time I learned that most of the people that were living these balanced lifestyles were not achieving anything exceptional in their lives.

Every since I ditched that way of being I became much happier but it's true, you sacrifice a lot to life in this way. It has cost me at least one very good relationship.